Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance
by crazystrings
Summary: Ashley persues a music career, Spencer is in Boston, what will become of our beloved Spashley
1. Rebuilding

It has been three months and the fact that Spencer left still hurt like hell.

Half way through her summer break between high school and college Spencer dropped a bomb on Ashley, she changed her mind about where she was going to college. The original plan of UCLA scrapped, she wanted to go to Boston after all. It was a great opportunity for Spence but Ashley felt torn apart. Everyday since she left Ashley has thought about jumping on a plane to see Spence, but she must respect the woman she loves. Spencer wanted a chance to experience life on her own, away from her strong support system of family and friends. Ashley understood but she didn't like feeling so alone, with no idea what the future held for her.

__________________________________________________________________________________

It was Friday night and as usual Ashley was at home. Tonight she sat on her balcony with her guitar trying to write. Everything she came up with sounded depressing but it accurately reflected her mood. Somehow she needed to find something positive so she had some sellable songs before artists stopped calling

DING DONG

She made no move to answer the door because she was in no mood for company, she rarely was these days. Hopefully whoever it was would take the hint.

"Ash are you in here?" Aiden yelled from the doorway.

Shit why did I give him a key? "Yeah out here." Ashley yelled hoping this would be a short visit.

"Ok before you throw me out just listen. I know you're probably gonna say no but…"

Interrupting Ashley says, "Gee you need to work on this convincing thing Aiden."

"Alright smart ass I'm getting you out of this house. I can't stand to see you like this." Aiden pleaded.

"So sit down." Ashley said trying to make a joke. "This can't be the whole plan. I can see it in your eyes, there's more to this. We've known each other too long to try and hide things from me. So out with it, what's the great plan or reason to get me out of the house?"

"Honestly I have someone I want you to meet."

Laughing Ashley says, "You are kidding me. Your grand plan is to set me up? I don't want or need a date thank you very much. I just wanna be alone. Sorry Aiden."

"Hey don't jump the gun, this isn't a setup. True Taylor is a girl, not sure about gay or straight, but this intro is not for romantic purposes, it's purely musical." Aiden said grinning, knowing this would get Ashley's attention.

"Musical? Look we both know after that whole Kyla lip singing episode I have less than zero chance of ever performing so what, does she want me to write her a song? I only work through management, I have no need to meet her, next!"

"Ash she doesn't even know you or that I want you guys to meet. I think she could help you with that performing career you say you've lost."

"Really? I'm still not sure about this."

"Look just come to Grey with me, her band is playing there tonight. What's the harm?"

"Maybe Aiden but what good will it do? She's in a bar band, how could she possibly help?"

"Well first of all she's an amazing musician, she can play the hell out of anything with strings on it. Second she's a music student at UCLA. Thirdly she has a recording studio in her apartment. As I said what would be the harm in just meeting her. She's got pretty good connections too. She may be able to help you get something going."

"I guess you may have a valid point but how do you know this girl and how well? Can she be trusted?"

"Her band normally plays at a place near campus called The Office. Plus form school, she's my junior mentor. I totally trust her."

"Wait I thought you said she's a music student, you're a business major, how does that work?"

"Well she's a double major and I think she has two or three minors or something too."

"Interesting. So you've convinced me. How much time do I have to look presentable?"

"Their first set starts in an hour so hurry up and get dressed. She's really cool, I think you'll really like her."

__________________________________________________________________________________

Grey was packed with people Ashley had never seen. Being one of her favorite places she knew most of Grey's regulars. This should be an interesting night.

"So where did all these people come from. I've never seen most of them." Ashley said.

"Well I recognize a few people from school. Tabula Rasa has a pretty big following around campus." Aiden said, "Although I called and reserved us a table so we're all set. Let's go sit down then I'll get us some drinks."

They only had to wait 15 minutes before the band took the stage. It was very easy to figure out who Aiden brought her to see since the band consisted of four guys and one girl. As the band started playing Ashley was impressed. The singer wasn't very good but the musicians behind him were amazing. Their sound flowed effortlessly from one song to the next. Taylor switched easily between acoustic and electric guitar, even picking up a violin at one point without disrupting their flow. She was also pretty sure the bass player switched between electric and up right acoustic instruments a few times. Ash could see what Aiden was talking about.

Before she knew it the band was taking a break. She couldn't remember what songs they played. She had no idea that the lead singer had been eyeing her most of the set. She had been concentrating on the instrumentalists, truthfully mostly Taylor. If everything else Aiden said was true about this girl, Ashley definitely wanted to work with her.

"Earth to Ashley. You still with me?"

"Yeah sorry Aiden, I just…"

"I know. The first time I saw them play I was pretty amazed too and I'm not a musician."

"The lead singer is a bit much."

"Yeah Kyle is pretty much an ass. He thinks he's gods gift to music. He has no idea that he's not the reason people come to see them. A lot of people I've talked to can't even remember the words to their songs, or half the time understand them but the music is amazing. Taylor told me they want to replace him but they haven't cause of loyalty. The whole band has been playing together since they were kids. Apparently he wasn't always this much of a douche as she puts it. Personally, I prefer when she sings more but she's getting over a cold."

"Wow. That makes sense, they seem young to have that tight a sound. Minus Kyle they get really well together. Wish I got the chance to hear her sing, that's too bad cause she is crazy talented. So, when are you gonna introduce me to Taylor?"

"Easy girl. She usually hides in back until after the last set. Kyle will probably be roaming around but she likes to keep to herself until the show's over. Musicians!"

"Alright," Ashley says faking a pout. "Next round is on me then. Wish me luck, I'm going in" she says laughing as she starts cutting through the crowd to the bar. Once there she places their order then turns around to scan the crowd.

"Hi sexy." Kyle, the cocky lead singer said with a smile he must have thought was sexy, but to Ashley just looked creepy.

"Can I help you with something?" She says obviously annoyed, adding an eye roll for the visual affect in case he was dumb.

"I noticed you enjoying my bands set and thought I would come say hi."

Great he's beyond dumb. "Hi." she replied turning back to the bar in search of her drinks.

"Well I'm Kyle." He said sliding in next to her. "You know we're having an after party at my loft. You should definitely come. I'll personally make sure you have a good time, the time of your life in fact."

Never had Ashley been so happy to see a bartender with her drinks. She paid for them then started back to the table but Kyle stops her and puts something in her pocket. If she thought she could get another drink in less than 20 minutes one or maybe both of the drinks would have been thrown in his face for that move. He was one lucky son of a bitch tonight.

Oblivious to her anger Kyle said, "That's the address to my loft and my cell number. I'll see you after the show. Must get back to the stage and be brilliant, they'd be nothing without me."

All Ashley could do was shake her head at his stupidity. Even if she was into guys he would be dead last on her list.

When she reached the table Aiden asked, "What the hell was Kyle up to? I about jumped over the crowd when he grabbed you."

"Oh he just wanted me to have his number and the address of his place, not just a place his loft, for the after party where he plans to show me the time of my life." she said laughing. "he's stupid but harmless."

"Let me see that address Ash."

"Sure. Take it, keep it, hell burn it cause I sure as hell don't want it."

"Actually Ash you might want to keep this." Seeing her confusion he quickly continued, "it's Taylor's address. If she let's you use her studio you'll need to know where you're going."

"How do you know that's her address, or maybe he moved in with her?"

"That's funny Ash. Kyle and Taylor can't stand each other. Anyways Kyle's the only one who still lives with his parents. Taylor has her loft which I've been to and the other guys live in an on campus apartment. I'm sure Taylor will love that Kyle's handing out her address as his."

"Nice. Do after parties normally occur at Taylor's loft?"

"Not normally that I know of. I went over there once after a show. The band minus Kyle was there and about fiver other people besides me. Some played video games, some just talked and Taylor brought out her guitar and sang for a bit. There was some drinking but no wild after party, it was all pretty chill."

"Nice. We'll have to inform Taylor of Kyle's plan won't we Aiden?" A mischievous twinkle in her eyes equaling her grin.

"Absolutely! This should be fun."

__________________________________________________________________________________

Getting ready for the last set Taylor started to look for Kyle. He always went out to socialize but he should be back by now. "Where's Kyle guys?" Taylor asked the other guys. She hated starting a set late, it may just be a bar gig but she prided herself on always being professional.

""Who knows, probably stalking some girl giving them your address to impress them. He should be back soon." Eric, the drummer, said.

Taylor rolled her eyes thinking about Kyle's latest pick up scheme. He invites a girl to her loft for an after party saying it's his place. Then after the show he makes a big stink that someone stole his keys and his expensive car of choice that he doesn't actually own. Somehow he always gets bartenders to play along with his scheme. Then he tells the girl his super has a sick baby and he really doesn't want to disturb them to let him in. Normally the girl is fooled, takes him back to her place then he is all smiles and brags the next day about getting laid. Some girls are just complete morons. There was no other explanation for why this plan worked, at least from Taylor's point of view.

"Miss me?" Kyle said from behind Taylor. "The star of the show is back."

"More like the ass of the show but whatever. Are you ready to go out?"

"Ty I knew you'd change teams for me eventually. Just tell me when and where, I'll sooo be there."

"ON STAGE YOU ASSHOLE!!" Taylor yells ready to punch that smug grin off his face.

"Gees what's up with you Ty, lost your sense of humor? Or is it that time of the month?"

"Kyle my problem is you. Just get your shit together and get out there. And try not to suck to bad this time out. Your pitch and timing was horrible, can you at least improve one?"

"I was taking musical liberties Ty, I was making the songs sound better. Anyways I'm the lead singer, you guys are supposed to follow me."

"Right, let's just play the songs like we always have in practice. They're better without your musical liberties."

"Whatever. I know I'm great and that hottie sitting with your stalker boy thinks so too. I can't wait to see the look on his face when she's walking out with me. Aiden won't know what hit him."

"Aiden's no stalker dumbass he's my friend. And for some reason I doubt you're stealing any chick from him. If you don't get out on that stage though you'll know what hit you, it'll be my fist hitting you square in the jaw so move your ass."

__________________________________________________________________________________

There was an obvious mood change to the last set. A power struggle emerged between Kyle and Taylor. Kyle blatantly sang through intended guitar solos and Taylor kept the rhythm pushing forward as Kyle tried to change tempos. It was clear to the audience that Taylor was the winner because the rest of the band followed her, not their cocky lead singer. The tension was thick and deadly glares flew frequently from lead singer to lead guitar player and vice versa. Taylor was unwilling to allow this to affect the overall performance showing all who the true leader was in the band.

After the show, the band claimed a table. Taylor and Kyle ignored each other during the usually after show chatting with friends and fans. They tried to appear like their normal chill band persona but inwardly they all waited for the other shoe to drop.

All of a sudden Kyle proudly blurted out, "Here comes the hottie I was telling you about. I knew she wanted me. She couldn't take her eyes off the stage the whole show. I'm definitely getting some tonight boys."

"Yep that's why she's walking over here with Aiden, cause she's gonna ditch him for you , right in your dreams. You are such an ass you know that." Taylor said before Aiden and his gorgeous friend got to the table. "Aiden how's it going? Who's your friend?"

""Hey, I'm Ashley Davies, you must be Taylor." Holding her hand out for a handshake which Taylor accepted, both holding on for a little longer than necessary before releasing.

Eric quietly said to Kyle, "Dude, I hate to break it to you, she is one smoking hot lesbian. She ain't given up shit to you ever." A goofy grin spreading across his face as the smug grin on Kyle's face disappears.

"Fuck. I need some air." And with that Kyle left the table.

"Don't mind him," Eric said still ginning like a fool, "he has ego issues." thinking to himself how Ashley just crushed his ego. Eric liked her already.

"I've experienced that a little tonight. Apparently he invited me to an after party at your place Taylor."

"Yeah his latest pick up scheme. Sorry there is no such party. Let me introduce you to the nice guys of the band. This is Eric the drummer, Ryan the master of all forms of bass, and Chris our keyboard guru."

"Nice to meet you guys.: Ashley smiles at the boys before turning her attention back to Taylor. "I was wondering Taylor, could we get together and talk about music stuff? Aiden has told me a bit about you and I was hoping you might be able to give me some advice and maybe help." She said, a shy smile crossing her face.

"Um sure Ashley, how about we have coffee tomorrow? I have research to do on campus so somewhere close would be best for me."

"Sounds like a plan. Give me your cell phone, assuming you have one."

"Yeah here you go."

Ashley punches buttons quickly then hands it back saying, there now you have my number. Just call me in the morning and we'll finalize our plans." Ashley said then turns to Aiden, "Let me go to the bathroom then we can get outta here." To the band again, "Nice to meet you all. Amazing show. I'll see you tomorrow Taylor. Bye."

Once Ashley was out of ear shot, Taylor looks at Aiden and says "What the hell was that?"

"Look Ty give her a chance. She's a great singer, just had a few tough breaks. She's also going through a tough time right now, she could use something positive."

"Aiden I'm not the type to give out charity."

Ty she can pay you for your time, maybe use of your studio, not a problem. She just needs a confidence boost. Maybe someone to take a chance on her. Maybe you could help her find someone in the business like that cause her contacts have just screwed her over royally."

"Honestly Aiden you know I'm not worried about the cash. I've got a lot on my plate with homework, the band and my senior project. I don't have a lot of spare time."

"Look meet with her tomorrow and see where it leads. Maybe she could help with the project? You know you'd need the coffee fix anyways." Aiden pleaded giving her his most pathetic puppy dog eyes.

"Alright. I mean I want to help, it's just whether I'll have the time. Although good point about my project, we'll see."

"Thank you. I'll see you later."

Taylor thought she must be crazy. On top of normal school work she was going to start a mock record label for her senior project. She hoped to turn it into a real label after graduation but who knows what the future holds. True she could use another artist beside Tabula Rasa for her project but would he have the patience. She knew Ashley was a good singer, she had heard of her before tonight. But Ashley had a reputation of being difficult to work with, very opinionated and stubborn. What was she getting herself into?


	2. Realization

"Why is it that the hottest girls always fuckin talk to you Taylor?" Kyle spat as he returned to the table. "Hell those girls I was talking to at that table couldn't stop talking about you, how talented you are, how sweet you are, how hot you are. It makes me sick, they fuckin look straight but they're all about you. I don't get it, you're nothing special, you just play background for me. I'm the front man."

"You forgot I also write most of our music, have our rehearsal space, have a recording studio and with the help of these guys help save your ass from completely sucking every night!: she spat right back at him.

"Whatever. Your daddy's money helps fund this bands progression, big deal."

"Come on man lay off her already. Girls talk to her cause she's hot and she has a likeable personality. Her ego can actually fit inside the building." Eric said.

"Ok this little school boy crush you've had on Taylor since like diapers is getting really old. She's a lesbian, you know she likes girls, remember. That means she is our competition for the hot girls! Don't forget straight chicks are curious too." Kyle snaps back.

Noticing the growing tension Ryan warns, "Look you two give it a rest. This shit is not worth fighting over. We all agreed a while ago that our friendship is more important that any girl." All the guys and Taylor nodded in agreement except Kyle.

"That's easy for you guys to say I doubt you've ever gotten any, but I for one am tired of losing my girls to Taylor." Kyle angrily stated.

"Well at least you do lose some. The ones who actually use their brain go for Taylor. At least some girls have sense." Eric shot back.

"Guys? You do remember I am still sitting here right?" Taylor said feeling she should put her two cents into the conversation about herself. "And for the record I may talk to a girl who approaches me but I don't actively pursue any of them like some people. And I sure as hell don't take them home and fuck them."

"Oh what noble lies Ty. I had my eye on that chick with Aiden all night, you knew it and…"

"Yeah that's exactly why I told her to walk up to me and introduce herself. You dumb asshole, she came to ask me musical advice, to help her out, not to fuck her in the bathroom."

"Wow score one for Taylor. Why don't you cut him down to size more often girl. Maybe then his ego would fit through the door more easily." Chris said sending everyone except Kyle into hysterical laughter.

"Not funny dude, we're supposed to stick together us guys." Kyle pleaded.

"Sorry man she burned you." Ryan said. ""Relax, why are you getting all bent outta shape over this chick, you had zero chance."

"You don't know that." Kyle pouted.

"Dude she's Ashley Davies." Ryan said. Seeing the confusion on Kyle's face he continued, "That girl has been bedding chicks since before you ever got laid. My cousin Madison went to school with her. Ashley's had more girls than all of us put together. You had no chance of getting with her."

"Whatever. I had a shot but Ty here threw that right out the window."

"Ok if you want to remain delusional that's your deal. When you're ready to come back, we'll be here in a place I like to call reality." Chris joked.

Before more verbal venom could fly across the table Taylor spoke up. "Alright guys lets all chill, this has gone way too far. Let's just get another round of beers and relax. We had a great show lets not end the night with another pointless fight." Taylor pleaded.

"Oh how witty Ty always the poet. Look I've been putting up with this shit long enough. I'm tired of you guys holding me back. Go find yourselves a new lead singer cause I QUIT!!!" And with that Kyle stormed out of Grey and hopefully out of their lives.

"Well finally. And we didn't really have to do much." Chris said with a huge smile on his face.

"Yeah now all we gotta do is find a new lead singer. That should be easy enough, right?" Taylor said sarcastically.

"Come on our fans don't come to see that ass anyways. They come to hear us and a good number come to see you." Eric said.

Ryan added, "We can find someone to compliment our sound instead of compete against it. It'll be great."

"True but we're gonna have to cancel some shows until we find someone. I need another week at least for my voice to be good enough to sing lead for a bit. Are you guys cool with that?" She said feeling guilty because the guys relied on the income more than she did.

"Hey I've got an idea Ty. Why don't you ask Ashley to sing with us next weekend?" Chris proposed.

"Yeah. We know she's got vocals and she's hot. The crowd will love it. Maybe we as a band could help start her come back." Ryan said.

"Dose everyone agree, this must be a unanimous decision?" Taylor asked.

"Hell yeah!" was the enthusiastic answer from the table.

"Ok then. I'll ask her tomorrow. For now though I'm wiped so I'll see you guys tomorrow night and let you know what she says."

__________________________________________________________________________________

When she got home Taylor did her usual post show routine; check messages, feed and walk Scout the dog then veg out in front of the TV. She turned on one of her favorite shows CSI or was it Law and Order, either way one of the varieties of either shows was always on for her to enjoy. But instead of being sucked into the storyline like usual she found her mind wandering back to the show, or more specifically Ashley Davies.

Through her mom, Taylor had become a fan of Raif Davies music. When she heard about the tribute album his daughters were involved with she was intrigued. This was how she learned that Ashley had inherited her dad's musical talent. But after the disastrous TV performance with her lip singing sister the album fell apart. Taylor was surprised that Ashley hadn't resurfaced on her own. She definitely had a unique vocal ability and was incredibly attractive, she would sell a lot of records for some record company given the chance. Maybe if her senior project went well she could be that lucky record label owner. Why hadn't she been picked up? Why was she only writing songs not sing them? Maybe the rumored difficult diva attitude was what had really ruined Ashley's career. Now Taylor had the opportunity to help her, interesting turn of events.

After a couple of hours of trying to watch TV Taylor decided to give up. She was feeling pretty drained from fighting with Kyle. He was a handful and a half to deal with and now o longer her problem thankfully.

__________________________________________________________________________________

After Aiden dropped her off, Ashley was too keyed up to sleep. She may have her second chance at her dream and considering a lot of people never got a first chance she knew she was extremely fortunate. She was also determined not to blow this opportunity.

Feeling inspired she decided to work on a new song. She figured this was the first time in months she had felt truly happy about anything.

Choices in our lives

We make them to survive

Many of them may cause pain

But we must not hold them in vain

Happiness is within our grasp

We will find it along our path

The choices that we make

Can make happiness our fate

Life takes many twists and turns

But I find my heart still urns

For that one blissful moment

That I am with you again

To hold you in my arms

It's right where you belong

Though life may take us apart

You always have a home with me

Obviously Spencer was on her mind, as always. The lyrics were a bit rough but she liked where it was going. Musically she felt a kind of Alone by Heart feel to it, it had potential.

Before heading to bed Ashley decided to get on the computer. Since Spencer went to Boston Ashley kept up on Spence through Facebook. Spencer was addicted to it and constantly updated her status and posted lots of pictures. Ashley wasn't as obsessed with it but she loved this small window into Spencer's Boston life.

After logging in, Ashley smiled when she saw her girl didn't disappoint. She was at a party and posted some pictures. Spence looked so happy with her friends, arms around each other laughing. Ashley felt mixed emotions, she was glad for Spence but sad that she wasn't the cause of this happiness. But next weekend she would be because Spencer was visiting for the weekend. Ash wanted to take Spence to see Tabula Rasa and meet Taylor. The rest of the weekend, minus a couple hours with the Carlins, they would stay in bed making love and just being close. The perfect weekend!

__________________________________________________________________________________

"Aunty Taylor, wake up!!" a little voice whispered in her ear.

"What?!" Taylor bolted up knocking both Scout and her nephew to the floor.

She quickly looked from one side of her room to the other wondering if she had been dreaming until she heard her nephew start crying. She jumped out of bed, scaring her dog again, and scooped up 3 year old James. She looked him over for any obvious injuries, satisfied that she saw no blood she pulled him into a big hug assuring him everything was fine. She also thanked god she wore clothes to bed last night.

"Buddy you know better than to wake me up like that. I'm sorry I scared you but you scared me too. Are we ok?"

"Yea," he said between sniffles, "I'm sorry TyTy."

Her smile grew at the us of his personal nickname for her. Then she said looking into his tear filled baby blues., " It's all good little man. Now Jay why are you over here waking me up?" Taylor also wondered what her brother was doing that he lost track of his son.

"TyTy you said we could have breakfast and watch Transformers. Daddy was busy with Lynnie so I just came over, the doors weren't locked. You promised me yesterday." Jay innocently replied with a hint of a pout.

She couldn't stay mad at him. It was hard being the oldest with a new baby around, she remembered. "Alright let's go get some McDonalds them watch two episodes of Transformers. I have a meeting later so no all day marathons ok?"

"Ok!" he said with a smile then giggled cause sensing excitement Scout jumped up and licked his face. "So get dressed TyTy cause I wanna go! Soon please!"

Five minutes later they were off. She loved spending time with Jay she just wished her brother felt the same way.

__________________________________________________________________________________

After breakfast and three episodes of Transformers (yeah she's a softy), Jay was safely back with his dad. Taylor looked at the clock and figured 9am was late enough to call Ashley. She felt a little nervous about calling her but she had agreed to the meeting so nerves be damned.

__________________________________________________________________________________

It was 9 in the morning and Ashley had already been awake for 3 hours. She was nervous that Taylor wouldn't call, and truthfully she was nervous she would call too. Taylor was an incredibly talented person but there was more to her. Ashley wanted to impress her both musically and personally.

She had been attempting to calm her nerves by looking at Spencer's Facebook profile which had worked until her phone rang.

__________________________________________________________________________________

"Hello" Ashley said

"Hey it's Taylor from last night."

"Hi. I was hoping you'd call. You still have time to meet up today?"

"Yeah of course, " she said trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, weird. "Ah, do you wanna meet at The Brew right by campus?"

"That sound great Taylor. Is 10 too soon?"

"No that's fine. See you in an hour."

The sooner the better she thought, gives me less time to think about how nervous I feel.

Usually she had no problems meeting with other musicians and giving advice. Although she wasn't an expert her schooling did give her a wide range of musical knowledge both in performance and business. She felt comfortable helping artists develop which was good because that's the job she wanted whenever she decided to grow up.

There was something about Ashley that Taylor felt drawn towards. Maybe she was a little star struck, it could happen. She'd just have to ride this out and see where it goes.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Ashley was ready to go within 5 minutes of getting off the phone. She was totally nervous which was strange for her. She was always so confident about everything until Spencer left. But this nervousness had nothing to do with Spence. Taylor seemed to have everything figured out and was totally in control. This made Ashley nervous. Taylor no doubt had heard rumors about her diva like attitude, this isn't the Ashley she wanted Taylor to know. She wanted Taylor to know the real Ashley Davies, the one Spencer had brought out or her.

One look in the mirror, a couple deep breathes and Ashley walked out the door. I really hope Taylor like the real me. Moody diva Ashley is dead!!


	3. Encounter

_Disclaimer: song Come Down to Me is by Saving Jane amazing artist worth checking out_

At 10am on the dot Ashley walked into The Brew and say Taylor at a table in the back. After a quick stop at the counter for her coffee she went to join her. "Morning rock star. I hope I didn't get you out of bed too early." Ashley said with a big smile that made her nose crinkle.

Now that's an amazing smile Taylor thought before answering, "No problem. I had an early morning wake up call in the form of a three year old whispering in my ear, scaring me awake then crying, not me but him after he hit the floor."

"Oh that sounds like an eventful alarm clock. May I suggest investing in one that beeps and either uses batteries or plugs into the wall?" Ashley joked then thought wait she has a kid?

"I do have one of those smart ass but I also have a three year old nephew who loves his McDonalds and Transformers with his Aunty TyTy. I forgot to set my alarm, it was a long night, so instead I got the mini human variety." Taylor said with a loving smile.

Ashley thought good no kid of her own but then wait why do I care. Change of subject quick Ash. "So are all show nights long for you?"

"No last night was special which actually brings me to the big question slash favor I have to ask you Ashley."

"Ok, go on."

"Kyle quit last night. I think and hope he was serious. Anyways this leaves us without a singer because my voice is still shaky. Do you have any interest in singing with us for three shows next weekend?"

"Really? Why me?" Ashley said trying to hide her excitement.

"Well the guys thought this could be a baby step back into the world of performing for you. And you've got vocals that I think would fit well with our sound."

"Taylor you haven't hear me sing. Aren't you jumping the gun a little?"

"Not 100% live true but I've heard the stuff that was recorded for the tribute album. I understand if you would feel uncomfortable or not want to…"

Quickly interrupting, "No I want to. That would be amazing. I just don't want to disappoint you guys or your fans." Ashley said, her insecurity obvious.

"Ashley, you did hear Kyle's attempt at singing right? We only have up to go from him." Noticing Ashley still looked unsure Taylor added, "We get together and practice almost every night. Why don't you come to my place tonight and we'll see how it goes."

Ashley perked up a bit and said, "That sounds good. I'd love to try."

"Great" Taylor said smiling. "I don't want to overwhelm you but here's a book of our songs and some recordings to help you get and idea. Most of the vocals are me so hopefully it'll be easier to follow than our former lead singer."

"This is great Taylor. It'll help me feel a bit more comfortable. Do I need to bring anything tonight?"

"Well if you have any songs of your own you want to try with us you are more than welcome. Think of what you may want to use for a demo. We love trying out new stuff. I've got a piano and plenty of guitars so unless you're particular about an instrument you don't need anything."

"That sounds great. Thank you for this chance."

"No problem Ashley and I would thank the guys if I were you, they suggested you right away. Everything happens for a reason so lets just go where fate takes us. We lose our singer, you want to perform. Easy fix for now."

"Speaking of my wanting to get back into performing, what else do I need to do to re-establish myself?"

"Let's take this one step at a time. First lets get through practice and hopefully the shows next weekend. I do have ideas of where to go from there but lets discuss those in a couple weeks. Ok with you?"

"That's fine. I'll have plenty to keep me busy. Besides the music, my girlfriend is coming back into town for a visit next weekend. She's gonna be so excited."

"Always good to have loving faces in the crowd. Where has she been?"

"She goes to school in Boston."

"Speaking of school, I hate to cut this short but I've got a project due tomorrow and I still have research to do on campus. Let me give you my address so you know where you're going."

"No need." Ashley said quickly. "Remember Kyle's pick scheme. He kindly gave me your address last night."

Taylor laughed. "I completely forgot about that. Well then I'll see you later tonight?"

"Absolutely. Thank you again Taylor for helping me. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Well if things go as I hope, it will be mutually beneficial. See you later."

__________________________________________________________________________________

While she walked to the library Taylor thought about her meeting with Ashley. It went really well. They seemed to get along well, the opposite of her and Kyle. This could work well for her senior project.

The fact that Ashley had a girlfriend was also great news because she had a feeling the guys were trying to get her and Ashley together. Not that it would be bad, cause Taylor had to admit she was attracted to Ashley. But Taylor felt that most people were attracted to Ashley at first sight. Her looks caught you but her personality kept you there. Way too complicated, simple as that.

It was then that Taylor realized what was strange about the meeting. Where was the super diva bitch she expected? Ashley exhibited no bitchy traits what so ever. She seemed eager to learn the band's songs and even a little shy or afraid. She said she didn't want to disappoint us, that wasn't like a diva. This would be very interesting.

Taylor's thoughts were disrupted by her phone ringing, "Hello"

"Hey Taylor it's Ash. I had a question for you about tonight.""

"Go ahead, shoot." Here it comes Taylor thought.

"What time should I be there? I was wondering how much practice time I had?"

Not what she expected Taylor faltered slightly, "Um, ah the guys usually show up around 5 to eat then stay till whenever."

"Would I be too much of a pain if I came over around 4?" Ashley said hopefully.

"No. Mind if I ask why?" Ok here it comes now, I know it.

"Well I figured if I had trouble I could run through some stuff with you before we put it together with the guys."

"Wow, actually that's.." speechless.

"You seem surprised Taylor. Look this is your band and your songs. I want to make sure I do them justice. I want to make the most of this chance. You don't get a second chance very often."

"I appreciate that Ashley. Come over any time after 2, I should be home. But just give a call before just to make sure."

"Thanks Taylor. See you later."

Taylor was shocked. This is not what she expected from Ashley. Taylor could feel this was the start of something amazing.

__________________________________________________________________________________

After getting home Ashley had been running through Tabula Rasa's songs for about three hours. It didn't feel like work at all. The songs were so beautifully constructed. The lyrics were amazing and the melodies flowed effortlessly which made them so easy to learn. She wanted to know them inside and out so she made a mental note to ask about why Taylor wrote some of them. She even thought of a few of her own songs that would fit well with the band's style. She couldn't remember the last time she was this excited.

Eager to run things by Taylor, Ashley called her at 2pm. She was home and told Ashley to come over whenever.

__________________________________________________________________________________

DING DONG

Taylor opened the door, "Hey Ashley come on in. Mi casa es everyone's casa so make yourself at home. Have trouble finding the place?"

Smiling Ashley said, "I actually live only two blocks from here so it was simple. Thank you for the warm welcome."

"Wow easy commute then, that's rare in LA." Taylor joked leading Ashley into the living room where Jay was playing a video game. "Hey buddy five more minutes then you gotta go back home."

"Ok TyTy." He said never taking his eyes off the screen.

"That little person there is the alarm clock I mentioned earlier. I'll introduce you some other time when he's not engrossed in Guitar Hero."

"Gees, he's way better at that than I am. That's crazy. And he's three?"

"Yeah he's on the easy level so not too many buttons to press. He is obsessed with the game. He can and has watched me and the guys play for hours. Anyways let me give you the grand tour of my humble abode."

Ashley thought there was nothing humble about Taylor's loft. She felt like she was watching MTV Cribs. There was a huge kitchen with all new looking stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops. The master bedroom and attached master bath were gorgeous. There was a beautiful guest room also with a private bath. The rehearsal area was huge with a full drum set, baby grand piano, keyboard, at least six guitars, a couple basses, a couple violins, an upright bass and even a cello plus right next to it was a state of the art recording studio. Not to mention the living room complete with huge flat screen TV, three different video game systems, and a full size pool table. Only one question popped into her mind, "No offense but how does a college student in a bar band afford all of this?"

"None taken," Taylor laughed. "My dad is a movie producer. He owned this place and used it as his get away from the family place. When Tony, my little brother, found out he was gonna be a dad my mom kicked him out. You know she was ok with having a lesbian daughter, me, but the thought of being a grandma was too much. I guess PFLAG is fashionable and grandma isn't. Anyways Tony and his new wife but long time girlfriend Janessa asked me for help. I talked to dad, he had this place renovated into two apartments with a joint family room and that's it. Everyone's happy."

"Well that's not what I expected exactly. I guess parents footing the bill yeah but I didn't figure you for a rich kid. I've known a lot of rich kids, hell I am one, and you are the total opposite minus the place of course."

"Thank you." Taylor said. "My parents are obsessed with having lots of money not me. I just need a roof over my head and a few musical instruments and I'm all set. For me music is the cure all."

"I understand." Was all Ashley could say.

"So I know you may have questions about our stuff but could I hear something of yours first. I'm curious."

"Sure." Ashley suddenly got nervous.

"Let's go to the rehearsal space instead of here in the studio. Don't be thrown off if I'm plucking at a guitar or something. Unless that will bother you of course."

"No Feel free. If we use it you'll have to know it too."

"Cool. Let me just make sure Jay went home. Be right back."

During Taylor's absence Ashley took her time setting up. She slowly tuned her guitar and played a few chords. A couple deep breaths and she was ready she hoped.

"Alright we are child free for a while."

"Ok this is called Come Down to Me. I wrote this last year when I thought Spencer was going away to school."

"Thought? Didn't you say she goes to school in Boston?" Taylor questioned not meaning to pry.

"Yeah. Guess it's my story time. Last year was crazy. Spence and I were very on again off again. Then we had a break through, I got her mom to go to pride, and we were completely together." Ashley took a second to remember opening the door to Spencer wearing only a coat and heels. "She was trying to decide between going away to school or staying here and going to UCLA. At her graduation party I asked her to move in with me and she said she was gonna go to UCLA. Then in the middle of summer break she tells me she changed her mind and was going to Boston. So now we're trying the long distance thing so she can find her own way."

"Wow that's tough. But for a musician that can be gold. And music works great as therapy."

"I know. I've been writing like crazy since Spence left, it's all depressing but at least I'm writing, getting out."

"That's the best way to look at it. Now stop stalling Davies and let me hear this song."

"Ok here it goes…

Words fall out of my mouth

And I can't seem to trace what I'm saying

Everybody wants your time

I'm just dreaming out loud

I can't have you for mine and I know it

I just wanna watch you shine.

Tripping up on my tongue,

It's all over my face and I'm racing

Gotta get away from you

Burning all the way home

Try to put it to bed but it chases

Every little thing I do

When the light falls on your face,

Don't let it change you

When the stars get in your eyes

Don't let them blind you.

You're beautiful

Just the way you are

And I love it all

Every line, and every scar

And I wish that I could make you see

This is where you ought to be,

Come down to me.

Spell it out in a song,

Bet you never catch on to my weakness

I'm singing every word for you

Here I'm thinking I'm sly

Then you're catching my eye, and just maybe

You're thinking what I'm thinking too

When you see it on my face

Don't let it shake you

I know better than to try and

Take you with me

You're beautiful

Just the way you are

And I love it all

Every line and every scar

And I wish that I could make you see

This is where you ought to be

Come down to me

Come down to me

Ashley immediately looked up to see Taylor speechless. "So was it that bad? I kept waiting for you to just in."

Finding her voice Taylor finally said, "No that was amazing. The lyrics are beautiful and the emotion in your voice nearly brought me to tears, seriously. I could feel every emotion so clearly. I'm in awe."

"Ok very funny, what are you thinking seriously? Is this not gonna work?" Ashley said unsure of herself and a little scared.

"Ashley did you hear anything I just said? I wasn't saying that cause it would just make you feel good. I was speaking honestly, my honest opinion. Are you really that unsure of your talent? Cause there is no reason you should doubt the talent you posses."

"I'm just scared to make a fool of myself. Kyla already did that once for me."

"Ashley. Listen to me very carefully. When music is concerned, forget Kyla. That song was amazing."

"Thank you. Do you think we could maybe play it this weekend. I kinda thought um…"

"Let me finish this sentence faster. You want Spencer to hear this song, right?" Ashley answered with that nose crinkling smile so Taylor continued. "I absolutely want that song performed next weekend. What if we keep it quiet like you just played it." Fear replaced the smile. "Don't worry Ashley. I was thinking you and I on acoustic guitars, give the guys the song off to admire the girls of the band. Let's try it and see how it goes."

For the next hour they toyed around with Ashley's song until they were comfortable with the sound. Then they moved to the studio and recorded it. Taylor knew this could be a huge hit and Ashley's ticket to a big record deal and performances all over the world. It just took one great song to fall into the hearts of millions. Spencer was a lucky girl.


	4. Destiny

By the end of the night the band had played through quite a few songs, dismissing a couple but accepting most. It was difficult to choose which songs to use for the weekend, but this was a problem the group enjoyed.

"I can't remember the last time I had so much fun practicing." Ryan said with a rare smile. He only used to be this happy when they were ripping on Kyle.

"No kidding. And I think we may have four completely different lists. I don't think that's ever happened." Chris added.

"But you guys have so many songs why wouldn't you have different lists? You have enough for like ten shows without any repeats." Ashley said figuring she already knew the answer.

"Ty you wanna field that one?" Eric questioned.

"That's easy." Taylor said her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Kyle had twelve songs he was willing to sing. And there were two songs he would tolerate me singing. That really limited things."

"Well I think all the songs are amazing. Anyone mind if I go ahead and sing up for those ten or so shows so we can do them all at least once?" Ashley asked with ever intention of honoring the proposed commitment.

Taylor looked at the guys who looked like ridiculous grinning bobble heads because of their enthusiastic agreement and said, "I think the bobble head wanna be's have it. That can definitely be arranged."

"Thank you all. You don't know how much this means to me. I'm so excited." Ashley said also grinning like a fool.

"Ash we're the ones who should be thanking you!" Ryan said. "This weekend is gonna be awesome. Our fans are gonna go nuts."

"Speaking of going nuts Ashley lets play Come Down to Me for the guys before we break for the night."

After they played the song you cold have heard a pin drop in the loft for a full two minutes before Ashley said, "So guys, still with us? What do you think?"

Chris spoke up first, "Do you really need us for the shows? The two of you, that was um…"

"Hot for one." Eric exclaimed making Taylor blush and Ashley laugh.

"Not the effect I was going for but I'll take it." Ashley smiled at Taylor who wouldn't meet her eyes.

Ryan broke in saying, "What that dumb ass was trying to say is you two have that thing. You know the lead singer/guitar player thing that all bands look for. You compliment each other musically and it looks effortless."

"Thanks Ry. I think we should call it a night guys. It's pushing one and I've got a class early."

Everyone started packing up and saying their goodbyes. "Hey Ty when are you done with class tomorrow?" Ashley asked.

"Three. I usually get home about four cause I pick up the kids from day care. Why?"

"Well I was hoping to go over a few things with you but if you're busy I'll just come after five."

"No it's ok Ashley. Be here at 4. Jay loves to listen to music, he's a polite audience and car rides put Lynnie out for at least two hours. It's no problem."

"Thanks Ty. See you tomorrow." And she was out the door with Chris and Eric.

"So going over things huh? Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"What are you talking about Ryan?"

"You know we may be just dumb guys but we're not stupid. We could all sense there is something between you and Ashley."

"Ok you're right. You are dumb but you're dead wrong about Ashley and I."

"Come on Ty, you don't have to lie to me. I'm not blind. That song…"

"Is for Ashley's girlfriend Spencer."

"Ouch. That's rough. I'm sorry Ty."

"No worries. We are just friends."

"Ok I'm still not completely buying your lines. I can tell you like her."

"Well that doesn't matter, it's nothing."

"Alright Ty, I'll let it go. I'll tell the guys not to bring up anything either."

"See you later Ryan." With that Taylor hoped that conversation was done for good.

__________________________________________________________________________________

When Ashley got home after 1 am the first thing she wanted to do was call Spencer, but it was late so she decided to check her Facebook. Ashley was excited when she saw a status update from five minutes ago from Spence saying she was up late studying. Although they had been playing phone tag since Spence left, Ashley decided to take a chance and call her.

"Hello" Spence sounded tired.

"Hey Spence, it's Ash. I didn't wake you did I?"

"No just trying to study. But I feel a break in order. What's up with you stranger?"

"Well Spence I have some news that I'm really excited about."

"Well you gonna tell me or do you want me to guess?" Spencer said playfully.

"I'm trying to get my music career going again starting this weekend. I'm singing with a band at a club near UCLA."

"Wow Ash that's great. I knew you'd start performing again. I can't wait for my friends and I to see you on stage."

Friends Ashley thought, since when was she bringing friends. "Oh yeah?"

"Ash didn't you read my e-mail? I sent you an e-mail saying Kris and Sarah were coming with me."

"Um," Ash looked at her e-mail and saw it dated two days earlier. "I hadn't read it yet. Been busy learning Tabula Rasa's music."

"Tabula Rasa, that's the groups name? That's strange."

"Sort of. I asked Taylor about the name. She told me it's her favorite Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode."

"Ok, what kind of band is this?? Ash are these really your kind of people?"

"What? All these questions based off a name. I think it's cool, it also means blank slate. It fit's the group. They play mostly rock music but they can play anything. Taylor is an amazing musician."

"Ok I'm sold. I'm looking forward to this weekend. We're all gonna have a blast."

"Great." Ashley hesitantly said, not sure what to feel. "Well I better let you get back to studying. When am I gonna see you?"

"Well e-mail me the info on the show. We're staying at my parents house so we'll just meet up for your show. Congrats Ash, I'm proud of you." Click, and Spencer was gone.

That was strange and disappointing, oh well. I'm not gonna let it bother me. If I think too much about it I'll make myself crazy.

__________________________________________________________________________________

The band got together every night leading up to the weekend. They would switch between the rehearsal space and the recording studio. Taylor wanted to put a cd with five or six songs with Ashley singing with the band together to sell at the bar. She was also thinking ahead to the demo Ashley wanted to put together.

The recordings were nearly cd ready on the first take. It always amazed her how a relaxed atmosphere leads to amazing musical creations.

By Friday afternoon everyone in the band was anxious. It wasn't that they were unsure of the show, it was the exact opposite. They were ready to share their new line up with their fans. Ashley had the added incentive of playing Come Down to Me for Spencer.

The sound check was a little rocky but Taylor refused to let that affect their positive mood.

"Alright guys we got ten minutes so shake off that sound check earlier. We know what we're doin." Taylor said as a group pep talk. She knew she sucked at them but the guys listened anyways. She looked over at Ashley and said, "Hey how are you doin?"

"I haven't seen Spencer yet. She texted me sayin she'd be late but I was hopin she'd be here by now."

"Ashley, look at me." Taylor waited a few seconds before grabbing Ashley's shoulders and physically moving her. "She'll be here don't worry. But I asked how you were, not the reason for you being tense."

"I'm ok. Really." Ashley said avoiding eye contact with Taylor.

"Don't lie to me, I'm not as dumb as I look." Taylor said trying to joke with Ashley.

"I don't think you're dumb at all where would you…" Ashley stopped herself and realized what was going on. "You were joking weren't you?"

"Yeah. I'm trying to get you to relax. You can't go out there when you are this tense. Really we're gonna be great. You have nothing to worry about."

"I know I'm just really nervous. I'm not giving into using liquid courage to help me through this so I've gotta find another way, it's a new concept to me. I was hoping seeing Spencer would calm me down."

"Turn around." Taylor ordered. Although Ashley was confused she did as she was told. Taylor continued, "This usually calms me. A nice neck and shoulder rub." After a few minutes, "Feel a little better?"

"A bit thank you. How much time do we have?"

"A couple."

"Alright. I'm gonna run to the bathroom quick before we go on."

With a shared smile they parted. What they didn't realize was that Kyle saw their whole exchange. He didn't know how he could use this information to his advantage but he definitely wanted to cause trouble.

__________________________________________________________________________________

The first set was amazing. The crowd went nuts. Just as Taylor thought, they loved Ashley. After the last song the band was pumped. But their former lead singer was pissed.

Instead of focusing on his anger he decided to find some chick to go home with. He noticed two unfamiliar chicks at the bar.

"Hey ladies," He said with his flirtatious grin. "I haven't seen you two around here before."

"Bad line but yeah we're from out of town." Sarah said.

"Interesting. Are you ladies enjoying your time in LA?"

"So far it's not to bad. Tonight has been fun, this band is amazing." Kris exclaimed.

"They're ok. I used to be the lead singer until Taylor, the guitar player, decided to replace me with her girlfriend." Kyle said.

"Who Ashley?" Kris questioned.

"Yeah you know her?" Kyle wondered.

"Friend of a friend, go on." Kris said.

"Well I guess Taylor figured to keep Ashley in her bed she had to make her the lead singer. My guess is Ashley's only sleeping with Taylor to get the lead singer gig. I mean why else would someone that hot be with Taylor."

"I don't know Taylor's pretty hot herself. I wouldn't kick her out of my bed." Kris said grinning.

"Hey Kris lets go find Spence. See ya around Kyle." Sarah said as they walked away to share this information with their friend.

__________________________________________________________________________________

As Spencer headed back from the bathroom she looked around at the crowd. She heard a lot of people talking about the new lead singer. This made her happy and proud. She felt bad for missing the first set but was glad the crowd was happy with her best friend.

As she scanned looking for her friends she saw Aiden. She avoided him like the plague because she knew he hated her for how she left Ashley. Spence didn't really care how he felt because she knew she made the right choice.

Spencer's choice to leave was not an easy decision, but she had to leave. She wanted to establish her own identity, not just through Ashley. She needed to remember who Spencer Carlin was not just forever as Spashley. If two people are partners shouldn't they know who they are outside of their partnership? Made sense to her but hell if others didn't get it, fuck them. Ashley had a lot of time to figure herself out before and during their relationship, why can't Spence have some time to do the same. She always wanted Ashley in her life but she needed the present for herself. Her thoughts were interrupted by Kris.

"Hey Spence you finally got in here." said Kris.

"Yeah my mom would not shut up. I love her but she's long winded. I probably should have had my dad drive us. How did the band sound?"

"They were awesome. Ashley is an amazing performer, and smoking hot." Sarah said.

"That's my girl." Spencer said smiling.

"Yeah about that Spence. I gotta tell you what we heard." With that Kris spilled what Kyle told them.

__________________________________________________________________________________

As the band got ready for the second set two people Ashley saw made butterflies swarm in her stomach for two different reasons, for the second and third times tonight. The first time was when Taylor gave her the shoulder rub, not as relaxing as it should have been but she need to ignore those feelings. In the crowd there was a positive and a negative person causing the butterflies. The positive was that Spencer was finally here. The negative was that Kyle, the ass hole ex-lead singer was also here. She took a deep breath and thought stay positive, think only about the positive. Spencer's here and she'll hear her song very soon. Forget Kyle, what ever trouble he may try to cause the band can handle it together. This could be an interesting night.


	5. Chance

_thanks to Theory of a Deadman for a great song_

Spencer stood towards the back of the bar unsure how to feel. The information about Ashley and this girl Taylor was news to her. She couldn't really say much, she had been with a couple of girls since she had moved to Boston but hearing this hurt her more than she would admit to her friends.

Watching the girls interact on stage was making it worse but also clearing things up for Spencer. One would have to be blind to not notice the electricity between them.

______________________________________________________________________________

Ashley felt the music was getting better with every song. Agreeing to sing with them was the best decision she had made in quite a while. What made this night even better was obviously Spencer being there. Ashley couldn't remember the last time she was so happy.

______________________________________________________________________________

Taylor couldn't believe how great tonight's show felt. It was better than their first ever show as Tabula Rasa, before Kyle's ego took over everything. Ashley at the lead added so much dimension and added talent to their music.

As she looked through the audience she happily noted that Kyle was slouched at the bar looking miserable. Serves him right she thought. Then she saw Alex, her ex with whom things ended oddly. They still loved each other but some things just aren't meant to be. She made a quick decision to add a song to the set. During a quick break between songs she told Ashley she wanted to add this song after her song for Spencer. She knew if she said one word, the guys would follow her lead.

______________________________________________________________________________

Ashley looked through the crowd and made eye contact with Spencer. Then she said, "This song was written for someone who means the world to me. You know who you are." never breaking eye contact she also mouthed you while Taylor started the opening chords.

______________________________________________________________________________

As Spencer listened to Ashley's words relief and guilt equally flushed over her. She was so glad that Ashley still loved her and understood that she needed space. Spencer should have never believed what she heard about Ash and Taylor, especially since the source was the bands ex lead singer. He was probably just a bitter asshole.

The guilt was there too. She wasn't being completely honest with Ashley. It hadn't really hit her until now. Ashley was still in love with her even though she moved across the country and away from her.

______________________________________________________________________________

Taylor took a couple extra moments to switch back to her electric guitar and said to all the guys Alex was there. They all knew what this meant. She was gonna do most of the singing for their second to last song. Ashley would chime in from time to time but this was Taylor's song to sing. Ashley made a big statement with Come Down to Me, and now it was her turn.

"We've only got a couple of songs left. Thank you all for coming out." Taylor said, "now this song is the opposite of our last song. If you've ever ended a relationship you'll understand."

**It's never enough to say I'm sorry**

**It's never enough to say I care**

**But I'm caught between what you**

**Wanted from me, and knowing**

**If I give that to ya**

**I might just wins when everyone's losing**

**Oh, it's like**

**One step forward and two steps back**

**No matter what I do you're always mad**

**And I can't change your mind, **

**Oh, it's like**

**Trying to turn around on a one way street**

**I can't give you what you want**

**And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see**

**Maybe we're not meant to be**

**It's never enough to say I love you**

**No, it's never enough to say I try**

**It's hard to believe that's there's**

**No way out for you and me**

**And it seems to be, The story of our life**

**Nobody wins when everyone's losing**

**It's like one step forward and two steps back**

**No matter what I do you're always mad**

**And I can't change your mind, oh**

**It's like trying to turn around on a one way street. **

**I can't give you what you want **

**And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see**

**That maybe we're not meant to be**

**There's still time to turn this around**

**Should we be building this up**

**Instead of tearing it down**

**But I keep thinking**

**Maybe it's too late**

**It's like one step forward and two steps back, **

**No matter what I do you're always mad**

**And I, can't change your mind, oh**

**It's like tryin to turn around on a one way street**

**I can't give you what you want and it's killing me **

**And I, I finally see, **

**Baby that we're not meant to be**

**It's like one step forward, **

**And two steps back, no matter what I do**

**You're always mad, and I, **

**Baby I'm sorry to see, **

**Maybe that we're not meant to be**

It always felt good to sing that song, it was very theraputic for Taylor. Her and Alex shared a knowing smile.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Spencer didn't even hear the band's last song, she was very confused. Was Taylor saying something to her with that song? She wanted to leave but knew she should talk to Ashley first.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

After the show Ashley immediately went to find Spencer. After five minutes she finally found her heading for the door.

"Spencer hey wait up." Ashley yelled.

"Hey Ash. The show was amazing, very insightful. You looked right at home up there."

"Thanks Spence. You wanna get a drink and talk for a bit. It's been awhile."

"Yeah it has. Look Kris is pretty tired and kinda drunk so we're gonna head out. I'll call you later though."

"Sure, that's fine. But before you go, what did you think of Come Down to Me? I wrote it for you if you hadn't already guessed."

"I had guessed Ash and the song was beautiful. You and Taylor sound really good together." And with that Spencer dashed out the door followed by her two friends.

Confused, Ashley stood still for a few moments. She wasn't sure what had just happened between her and Spence. But Spencer was always protective of her friends so Ashley chalked it up to Spence's caring nature. They would hopefully get together tomorrow and talk things out.

Ashley's next search for her band mates didn't take very long. They were all at a table near the bar. She then noticed Taylor huddled close to a blonde girl. As she approached Taylor and the mystery girl hugged and shared a quick peck on the lips. Just before she reached the table a small shot of jealously, which she quickly shrugged off as stupid.

"Hey Ash, where's your girl? Did you get to ask her about the song?" Ryan inquired.

"Oh she said it was beautiful." Ashley said with a small smile.

"Well I'd have to agree but add amazingly moving." Said the mystery girl. "We haven't met. I'm Alex, Taylor's ex."

"Oh. I'm Ashley, nice to meet you." Ashley said questioningly.

"It's ok Ash. Alex and I have come to good terms. It took a while but we're there." Taylor reassured her.

"Yeah. That song you helped vocally with, Not Meant to Be, that was written for me." Alex said with ease. "I'd love to chat more but I gotta be awake and functioning in four hours so Ashley nice to meet you. Guys pleasure as always. And Ty great to see you. I'll give you a call."

All five said "Bye Alex." in unison.

Laughing Alex replied, "Band unity in one week, I love it." And with a wave she was off.

"Well guys I hate to bail too but I've got a breakfast date with Jay in the morning so I'll see ya later." And Taylor got up and left.

"So guys what's the deal with Alex?" Ashley felt compelled to ask.

"They were really tight for a little over two years then things started falling apart. Then Taylor wrote that song, told Alex to come to a show and she sang it. Not the best way to break it off with someone but it had to be done." Eric informed her.

"Wow. But she didn't seem mad about us doing the song tonight."

"Here's the thing Ash," Ryan said. "They've gotten past it. Now Ty only sings it if Alex is here. Sort of a hi, I see you're here."

"Interesting. How about a round on me."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Taylor made it to within two feet of her car when Kyle approached. He seemed pissed and a bit drunk.

"So you replaced me so soon hey bitch?"

"Kyle you left us no choice. But yeah we did and I think we're better than ever."

"Right you would."

"Exactly, that's why I said it dumbass." Taylor paused figuring Kyle would have a quick response. Then she continued, "Anything else I can do for you Kyle?"

"You know you could have done plenty of things to fuck her, why give her my spot?"

"What the fuck are you babbling about?"

"Ashley. You wanted to fuck her so you kicked me out. Hope she was good."

"Right Kyle. Had nothing to do with your piss poor attitude or the fact that you quit. I'll see you around loser."

"You'll get yours Ty. Mark my words." Kyle yelled before angerly stumbling off.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey Spence, I wanted to make sure you got home ok."

"Ash, yeah. Thanks for callin."

"I was just worried. Hey you want to have lunch with me tomorrow? I was thinking picnic at the beach?"

"Ash I'll have to call you tomorrow." Spencer said before hanging up. "Sarah let's get home. We're out of alcohol anyways." Spence said. When they left the bar they went to the next parking lot to drink for a bit, but she knew it was getting really late and her parents would be calling soon.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

As he stumbled to his car Kyle was fuming. Ty was such a smug bitch. He would get back at her for kicking him out, well making him quit. He knew she had planned all of this. Maybe he'd start a new band. Yeah that was it, he'd put together another band. Way better than Tabula Rasa. And with a cooler name. He always hated their lame ass name. He was feeling almost giddy when he started up his car.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ashley and the rest of the guys finished off the round of drinks. They decided it was time to part ways. They'd all only had the one beer so they felt ok to let each other drive themselves home.

Walking out of the bar they all had huge smiles on their faces. It had been a great first show and they all knew it would only get better. It was magical.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Taylor felt a little rattled by her encounter with Kyle. He was a total asshole, true, but she didn't know how vengeful he could be. She decided to save worrying about it for another day, she didn't want to ruin this night completely.

Once on the road home Taylor couldn't help but smile. The show had been better than she could have imagined. Despite their fight she was glad Kyle had been there. Nothing like shoving it in the assholes face. The band had played a hundred times better with Ashley singing. And the mood was so positive, she loved it. They eliminated Kyle's negative influence and everything started to click. For the first time in a long time Taylor was looking forward to their next show.

Taylor didn't have time to react to the car that swerved into her lane. She just heard a loud crunch as the other car crashed into the drivers side of her Mustang. She felt extreme pain throughout her body then everything went black, right before the second car smashed into the passenger side.


	6. Reflection

Spencer spent most of her flight from Boston to LA thinking about Ashley. How was she going to explain how her life had changed since moving to Boston? Could she even bring herself to tell Ashley the real reason she left?

"Ok Spence whatever you are thinking about, stop." Kris said. "You are gonna make your brain explode."

"I know but I need to come up with a game plan."

"Ah the big talk with Ashley."

"Exactly. What do I say to her without hurting her?"

"Well if you say you're moving back to her you won't hurt her."

"Kris I'm not gonna lie to her just to make her feel better."

"Spence here's what I don't understand. Why did you ever leave in the first place. Why walk out on a major hottie you are nuts about. She's got money, you had a spot at UCLA, it doesn't make sense."

Spencer took a deep breath then spoke, "My dad."

"Really? I'd say fuck him, you were set."

"Except I just turned eighteen last week."

"Yeah I kinda remember the bash but what does that have to do with anything?"

"My dad was gonna press charges against Ash if I didn't go to Boston. He thought she corrupted me. In his eyes if I got away from her this whole gay thing would just disappear. I couldn't live with myself if I let dad ruin Ash's life."

"From what you have said about her she would have fought him. And she doesn't seem to take shit from anyone so it probably would have been ok."

"That's the problem. Arthur Carlin always get his way. Kids well behaved and silent, wife on hand when needed and other people either bow to his will or they get crushed."

"No offense Spence but your dad sounds like an asshole."

"None taken cause he is. I'm just thankful that mom didn't buy into his bullshit. She helped Ash and I be together without him knowing."

"Then why did the shit hit the fan? Couldn't you and Ash play the just roomies card?"

"We could have if I wasn't so dumb. I insisted when I moved out to tell him the truth."

"Wow. I'm not sure if that was really brave or really dumb Spence."

"I'm leaning more towards dumb of course. But maybe good too."

"Not exactly following Spence."

"Look I love Ashley, but all I know is me with her. I don't remember just me."

"Isn't that the point though. Being half of a whole. We're all looking for our better half and you lucked out and found that really early."

"But did I or am I just settling for the first woman I was with?"

"Oh well there is that point of view I guess."

"Kris I just want to know Ashley is the one but how do I know without dating other women? I'm eighteen years old, I'm not ready to be with my one and only forever yet. I don't think anyways."

"Well then I guess you know what you need to tell Ashley. But I guarantee you are going to hurt her."

"I know. I'm scared to death."

Kris searched through her backpack and pulled out paper and a pen. "Here write everything you are feeling. This way you can figure out exactly what you should say."

So Spencer spent the rest of the flight pouring her heart out onto paper. Most of this she would never tell Ashley. She finally felt she had figured out what Ashley was going to hear.

"Done?"

"Yep. I think I know what I'm gonna tell her." Then Spencer started giggling.

"What's so funny Spence? I thought this was a not so happy discussion."

"No it's not but I just realized how much Ashley has affected me. I wrote her a fucking song."

"Interesting. You gonna actually sing it to her?"

"No she's the vocally talented one. I think I'll just give her the lyrics."

"Spence you're not gonna do this through a letter right? I mean you are actually gonna talk to her aren't you?"

"Of course I'm gonna actually talk to her." Spencer said more confidently than she felt. Writing Ashley a letter instead of talking to her wasn't an entirely horrible idea. It would be a little cold true but then she knew it may be the only way to get her feelings out right.

"So changing gears. What's the plan for the next couple days?"

"Well tonight and all day tomorrow we move mom out. Tomorrow night mom works and we go out to see Ashley's show and Saturday night we head back to Boston."

"Sucks that my first trip to LA is so fuckin short."

"We'll come back for a longer trip at some point don't worry."

"So when are you gonna talk to Ash?"

"Don't know yet."

"Well figure it out girly. We should probably wake sleeping beauty hey?"

"Yeah but keep it clean. We are in public."

"Come on I can wake my girlfriend any way I want to."

"No you can't." came the sleepy voice of Sarah. "Cause I'm already awake. Let's get this party going."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Paula was worried about her daughter. Since Spence and her friends got into town Spence had been distant with not just her but Ashley as well. This worried her a lot because although the circumstances surrounding Spencer's choice to go to Boston were bad, Paula thought it would bring the girls closer. Instead Spencer had pushed Ashley away a little and because it's what Spence wanted Ashley gave her space.

Arthur's actions had been the final straw for Paula. After Spencer explained everything to him, instead of recognizing his daughters happiness and maturity he sought to destroy the relationship. Paula was so upset by thing that she began the divorce process which was a long time coming. It took a little while for her to get everything arranged but thankfully it was almost over. Her first big visible step was moving out this weekend and the other would be Monday morning when the divorce papers would be served to her soon to be ex husband. One does not take on Arthur Carlin without being thoroughly prepared. Since he was on a business trip Spencer offered her help in the moving process. But instead of recruiting Ashley like Paula had hoped, she brought a couple friends from school. Sarah and Kris were very nice and helpful but Paula was hoping Spence and Ash would reconnect a bit so things would be out in the open.

Paula knew Ashley never knew about Arthur's threats. She also knew most of what her daughter had been up to while at college. Although she did not approve she was not about to judge her daughter, that's something Arthur would do. All Paula could do was hope that Spencer would find her way. Of course she hoped it would lead Spencer back to California and back to Ashley but Paula would not intervene. Paula would never try to influence Spencer to do what she thought was best. Spence had to make her own decisions, right or wrong.

Paula had liked Ashley from the first time Spencer introduced them. Although Ash was a little rough around the edges, there was amazing strength within her. Paula had heard rumors about Ashley from other mothers at the school such as Ashley was a wild child trouble maker and that she was a lesbian. Neither of these concerned her because she trusted Spencer's judgment. After a month Paula felt there was more to the girls friendship so she decided to talk with Ashley. She went over to Ashley's house while Spencer was at home working on a school project.

Paula was lead to Ashley's room by a butler she assumed. "Ashley can I talk to for a minute."

Surprised Ashley quickly said, "Sure Mrs. Carlin. Have a seat."

"Thank you Ashley and please call me Paula."

"Ok Paula," Ashley said nervously.

"First of all relax Ashley, I just wanna talk. Nothing to be nervous about."

"I'll try. Just a little weird you coming here to talk to me." Ashley said still nervous as hell.

"Well I'll just jump right in dear, I'm not as dumb as you may think I am. Does Spencer know how you feel?"

"What?!?" Oh god Ashley thought, she's never gonna let me see Spencer again. How the hell did she know?

"Come on we both know you are either falling if not already in love with my daughter."

"I don't know what you're talking about Paula. Spencer and I are just friends." Ashley said while hoping Paula would buy what she was saying.

"Ok let me approach this another way. My best friend is a lesbian. Arthur doesn't know we are still very close and she's a doctor at the hospital. He has big issues with homosexuality but I don't at all. See where I'm going with this dear?"

"Not exactly Paula."

"I see something between you and Spencer, more than normal friendship. I have wondered from time to time if Spencer was just playing straight or if she really was. Arthur can be very persistent about things and being gay is one of them. He has told the kids before that if they were gay they may as well not come home."

"He seriously said that?" Ashley said visibly relaxing a bit.

"Yeah. But I'm not him. I don't care who my children love as long as they are happy and their significant other treats them right."

Quietly Ashley said, "I think I'm in love with her."

Paula gave her a huge smile and said, "I thought so. And what does my daughter think?"

"Honestly she freaked a little when I told her I have dated girls so she doesn't know. I want at least her friendship so I haven't told her."

"I respect that Ashley. Give Spencer some time, I think she'll realize that pleasing Arthur isn't everything and is definitely not worth the heartache."

"So you don't mind me hanging out with Spencer? Really?"

"I think you will be good for each other. She'll keep you out of trouble and you'll watch out for her. You care about her so you'll protect her and keep her from getting hurt."

"I'll definitely try Paula. I'm just surprised you'll still let me around her. I'm sure you've heard enough bad things about me."

"That I have." Paula said laughing. "But I see you with Spencer and I forget what I've heard. I honestly just see a kid in love trying to get the girl and I believe you will in the end."

"I hope you're right Paula and I will treat her right. I would never hurt her. Not intentionally anyways."

"I believe you Ashley. And I promise that if you two become a couple I will do everything in my power to help keep Arthur away so you have a fair shot."

When Paula got home she knew she should talk to Spencer.

"Spence, you have a minute?"

"Yeah mom what's up?"

"You know I try not to pry in your life too much but I do have to let you know some things."

"Ok, what's this about?"

"Honestly, it's about Ashley."

"Ok whatever you've heard don't listen. You can't keep me from hanging out with her just because of some rumors that you've heard."

"And I don't want to prevent you from seeing her Spence."

"What? I thought you'd…"

Interrupting Paula said, "I know but it's ok. I think you two are good for each other."

"Even though she's…"

Before Spence could say it Paula said, "I know she's gay Spence."

"You do? Don't you have a problem with that?"

"I'm not your father dear."

"What if I said…" But Spencer couldn't say it out loud.

"Spence if you want to be with Ashley I will help you as much as I can. I would never tell your father. I just want you to be happy. I don't care if you're gay, straight, or bi-sexual because you're my daughter not some label. I love you no matter who you fall for."

"Mom are you serious?" Spencer said doubtfully.

"Absolutely and to prove it to you I want to tell you a secret."

"Ok but I doubt it's as big as mine which you somehow figured out."

"What Spence, your confusion over your feelings for Ashley?"

"Duh mom."

"Ok I raise you. You remember me mentioning Lacy, my best friend from college."

"Yeah a little but you don't mention her much, especially around dad."

"Well because she's gay and he knows that and of course he does not approve. Well she's a doctor at the hospital."

"That's not a big raise mom, you having a lesbian friend at the hospital."

"I'm having an affair with her Spence. I'm bi-sexual and have known for a long time."

It took Spencer a few minutes to respond. Finally she gave her mom a big hug and said, "Thank you for telling me mom."

"Well now we both know something that your father would flip over."

"Do you love Lacy? Are you gonna leave dad?"

"I don't know Spence it's only been a couple of weeks."

And now in the present time Paula was moving in with Lacy but Spencer was pushing Ashley away. Spencer had told Paula she wasn't sure if someone's first love was meant to last.

Paula had wanted to discuss this further with her daughter but she had to work. So now she was enjoying her few minutes of quiet during the graveyard shift at the hospital. Being the top ER nurse can make for a very busy shift. She had tried to call Spencer but got no answer so she decided to try Ashley. On the second ring she picked up.

"Mama Paula how's the moving going? The girls annoying you and Lacy yet?" Ashley said laughing.

"Well Lacy loves that she doesn't have to work very hard that's for sure."

"That's good. So when is that wonderful woman of yours gonna cook me dinner again?"

"I don't know dear, you'll have to ask her. But one of the reasons I called was to see how the big show went."

"I'll allow the subject change because it was fucking amazing. I've never felt so comfortable on stage. I can't wait for our next show."

"Glad to hear it sweetie. When's the next show? Lacy and I were bummed we couldn't come tonight."

"Next Friday I think. I'll double check with Taylor."

"Well Friday would be perfect cause Lacy and I are off. And if you're really good there could be a meal arranged for you and your band mates before the show or after."

"Paula that would be awesome, definitely count me in."

"So my other reason for calling, is Spencer with you now?"

"Sorry Paula she left with her friends. She said we'd maybe get together tomorrow. Why?"

"No reason really. She just isn't answering her phone."

"She's probably already asleep, it was like two hours ago that they left."

"Oh Ash I gotta let you go my pager is going off."

"Alright we'll get together soon. Lots of love to you and Lacy. Now go save some lives."

"Absolutely. Bye Ash."

Paula had to smile because Ashley sounded happier than she had since Spencer left. Ash the first patient came in the door she knew that would be the last happy thought of the night.


	7. Shock

Lyrics from Missy Higgens

Some characters borrowed some my own

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"What have we got?" Paula asked the first paramedic through the door.

"Three car pile up. This girl here was in the middle car. We got her stable, but she's been unconscious since the cops arrived on scene forty five minutes ago."

"Why so long?"

"Had to cut her out, and there was multiple injuries but she's the worst. Luckily no fatalities."

"Well thank God for small favors. Get her to trauma one."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Three hours later Taylor was out of surgery. There was internal bleeding that needed to be stopped. She also had multiple fractures and lots of bruising. They wouldn't know the extent of any head injuries until she regained consciousness.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Paula, I've been looking all over for you. Follow me." Sandy, one of the other nurses said.

"I'm too wiped to protest. We just sent a girl to surgery who was about the same age as Sp…" She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her daughter on a bed with an obvious gash on her forehead and other small scraps.

"Hey Mom."

"Spencer!! What happened, are you ok?"

"I think so. We were driving home then we were in an accident."

"Are Kris and Sarah ok?"

"I think they are. I haven't seen them since we left the car."

"Sandy will you give us a minute alone with my daughter. I'll close up the cut."

"No problem Paula."

"Spencer were you girls drinking?"

"A little. But Sarah was fine and she was driving. It just all happened so fast. Was anyone hurt badly?"

"Yeah. A girl about your age. Not sure yet about how serious. Otherwise everyone else had minor injuries from what I've heard."

"Oh my God."

"Look don't worry about them at the moment let's just deal with this cut right now."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ashley sped the whole way to the hospital once she got the call. Inside at the nurses station she saw a familiar face. "Paula."

"Ashley I'm so glad Spencer called you. She should be ready to leave in about twenty minutes."

"Spencer is here too?"

"Yeah isn't that why you're here?"

"No, one of the guys from the band called and said Taylor was in an accident. Said it was bad."

"Oh…" Paula said not sure what else to say. She didn't want to be the bearer of bad news about her band mate but she wanted Ashley's concern to be for Spencer at the same time.

"Why is Spencer here? What happened? Is she ok?"

"Ash let's go sit down." She lead Ashley into the nurses lounge.

"What's going on Paula? You're kinda freakin me out."

"Ash, Spence was in the same accident as your friend Taylor. She's fine cause Sarah was driving. They may be in a little trouble because they were drinking. I don't know about Taylor or the other driver."

"Wow. Well I know Taylor was sober. Who was the other driver?"

"We don't know. They never came here."

"Alright. How's Taylor?"

"We don't know Ash."

"Paula I know I'm not family but please can't you tell me anything?"

"I'm not holding back Ash. I'd tell you if I knew more. We won't know for sure until she wakes up."

"I know I'm just a little overwhelmed. Can you go see if Spencer wants to see me? I'd kinda like to see that she is ok with my own eyes."

"Yeah, come walk with me Ash." Paula said as she put her arm around Ashley's shoulders.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey Spence. How you feeling?"

"Ok except for the splitting headache. How are you guys?"

"Good to go." Sarah said. "So when can we break out of here."

Just then the doctor walked in and said, "You are all set Spencer. Do you want me to get your Mom?"

"No I'll see her in the morning. Alright girls lets get out of here."

The girls walked out without seeing Paula or Ashlee. After five minutes they got a cab and headed home for a lot of much needed rest.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Sorry Ash. Guess she really didn't want to be here."

"No worries Paula. I wouldn't want to be here if I didn't have to be either. I guess I'll catch up with her later. Do you know where Taylor's family is?"

"Yeah. I'll take you up there dear. I was going to check in on her progress soon anyways."

When Ashley walked into the waiting room she saw the guys. She went and sat by them and asked, "any news yet?"

"No," Ryan sadly said. "She still hasn't woken up yet. But the docs seem hopeful."

"Does her family know? Shouldn't they be here?"

"Yeah her brother was the one who called me." Ryan said. "Tony and Nessa took the kids to get some food. They should be back soon."

All of a sudden Jay came bursting in the room and ran to Ash. "Ashley." he exclaimed and hugged her legs. "Tyty is hurt kinda bad."

"I know kido but she's tough. She'll be ok."

Jay seemed happy with the answer and ran over to a couch where his Mom had sat down with his baby sister.

"Hi. I don't think we've met. I'm Tay's brother Tony. You must be the wonderful new singer I've heard so much about."

"Yeah, I'm Ashley, it's nice to meet you too. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"True. Didn't know you were such buds with my boy."

"Neither did I. That's definitely news to me. The one time I kinda met him he was playing Guitar Hero. I didn't even think he saw me much less knew my name."

"Yeah he's like that. He sees you once, especially if you are a friend of Tay's, and you're a friend for life."

"He's a sweet kid. How are you guys holding up?"

"As well as can be expected. Jay doesn't understand why she doesn't just wake up. Hell I think all of us are kinda thinking that. But I will be a hell of a lot better when she opens her eyes."

"Well the little I know about her she's tough so I have no doubt she'll be awake and bitching when she's good and ready."

"From your lips to that stubborn girls ears. But I must admit very well said." The baby started to cry. "Well I'm gonna go be a helpful daddy and husband. Thank you for coming."

Ash sat back down hoping that Taylor would hurry up and prove her right.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When Paula got home from work Spencer was alone sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey Mom how was the rest of your shift?"

"Slow thankfully. Why did you leave so suddenly? You know Ashley showed up at the hospital shortly after I left your room."

"Was she ok? Was she involved in the accident?" Spencer asked frantically.

"No hon. But I'm glad you seem to care. From what I've heard you haven't seen much of her since you've been home."

"Mom please don't start with me. Things are just way to complicated."

"Are they really? Seems to me you just don't want to tell Ashley the whole truth."

"That's not it at all. I do want to tell her. I just don't know how to without hurting her."

"Well I guess you'll have to figure that out. But don't completely cut her out honey. I think she'll understand more than you think. Don't sell her short."

"Maybe. But how can I expect her to understand something that I don't completely understand to begin with. So why was she at the hospital? Did you call her?"

"No actually the girl who was severely injured was from her new band."

"Oh my God Taylor was the girl you were talking about? She was in the accident?"

"Yeah, the girl who got caught in the middle. All indications are she should be fine. They were able to stop the internal bleeding and reset her broken bones successfully. There was no injuries to her spine of her skull. They're just waiting for her to wake up."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When Ashley brought back the coffee and doughnuts from the gas station she noticed another person in the room and she was confused. "Spencer? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how you were holding up and see if there was any change with Taylor."

"No change yet. I'm glad you came."

"I also thought we could talk for a little bit. I'm heading back today but I have an hour before I have to get to the airport."

"Ok." Ashley said as she handed Tony the load of food and caffeine.

As they headed out of the room Eric walked in and said, "I just talked to the cops. Apparently the first car to hit Tay was Kyle. The as…" he paused remembering Jay was in the room, "um… jerk was drunk., three times the legal limit to be exact. He's in jail right now. It's his fourth time getting caught."

Although everyone was mad as hell they kept it in check. Kyle wasn't worth the energy, not until they knew Taylor was ok. Ashley exchanged a few quiet words with Eric, Chris and Ryan then left the room with Spencer.

Once outside Ashley yelled, "God damn that fucking no talent ass hole."

"Wow Ash tell me how you really feel. And please don't hold anything back at all, really."

Laughing Ashley said, "Sorry about that. That just pisses me off. The fact it was someone that I kinda know just get me."

"You do know that Sarah, Kris and I were the third car right?" Spencer said, a little worried about how Ashley would respond.

"I do know. But Kyle caused the accident. Big difference."

"Ok. I just don't want you to be mad at us."

"No worries. So what did you want to talk about."

"First I have a question Ash."

"Shoot. You know you can ask me anything sweet heart."

"Look I heard some things last night and I gotta know is there anything going on between you and Taylor?"

At first all Ashley could do was laugh but then she saw the serious look on Spencer's face so she said, "We're becoming friends. Honestly I barely know her. I only met her a week ago."

"Come on Ash you know what I'm asking."

"Well I'm not fucking her if that's what you're asking. I'd never do that to you."

Spencer wanted to say something but she couldn't find the words. All she could do was look away.

"Spence, are you ok? Look I'd never cheat on you. Our relationship is too important to me. I hope you would know that."

"Ash I…" Again Spencer couldn't find the words.

"Spence what's wrong?"

"Ash I just can't do this anymore."

"Do what exactly Spencer?" Ashley said dreading what came next.

"Us Ash. I'm not as good a person as you. I have um I mean look I've changed and I just can't lead you on anymore. Here," Spence said as she handed an envelope to Ashley, "hopefully this will explain things better than I am right now. I have to go." And Spencer ran away from a stunned Ashley.

After what felt like hours, but was only a minute or so, Ashley walked over to a bench and opened the letter that Spencer had given her.

_Ashlee--_

_Let me start this off by saying that I love you very much. The last two years have been amazing. You have made me so happy. For the first time I was truly in love._

_But my asshole Dad ruined that. He threatened to cause a lot of trouble for you if I didn't go to school in Boston. There was no way I was going to let him hurt you so I went. I know it wasn't fair to keep this from you but I did and I'm sorry for that._

_Since being in Boston I've changed a lot. I've done some things that I'm not proud of but I've also done things that I'm ok with. I won't go into details, I'll just say that I have cheated. I know this will hurt you but I have to be honest. I wrote this for you and hopefully it will explain how I have been feeling_

_Where I Stood_

_I don't know what I've done_

_Or if I like what I've begun_

_But something told me to run_

_And honey, you know me it's all or none_

_There were sounds in my head_

_A little voice is whisperin_

_That I should go and this should end_

_Oh and I found myself listening._

_Cause I don't know who I am_

_Who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand_

_Another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_See I thought love was black and white_

_That it was wrong or it was right_

_But you ain't leavin without a fight_

_And I think I am just as torn inside_

_Cause I don't know who I am_

_Who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand_

_Another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_And I won't be far where you are_

_If ever you should call_

_You meant more to me than anyone_

_I ever loved at all_

_But you taught me how to trust myself_

_And so I say to you_

_This is what I have to do_

_Cause I don't know who I am_

_Who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand_

_Another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_I know I should have done this a better way but I don't know how. Ashley you are my first love but I don't know if I believe that first loves can last. _

_To quote Shinedown "Sometimes goodbye is a second chance." Maybe it will be for us someday but now I must say goodbye to you and goodbye to our relationship._

_Spencer_

_THE END_

_______________________________________________________________________________________

_I know this is not the ending most were hoping for but this era in their life had to end this way. Maybe I will revisit these characters in another time and another place but for now I say goodbye to this tale. But don't worry if you enjoy my writing I have a few stories in the works._

_Thank you for all the comments and encouragement_


End file.
